and the beat goes on

**my latest art journal page**

and the beat goes on...

Yes, the Sonny & Cher song (#25 on my playlist) by the same name got stuck in my head one day ; ) It supplied inspiration to art.

You can take the meaning of this page literally as in thank goodness my heart is still beating. But I also see it as a general take-another-lickin'-and-keep-on-tickin', life goes on meaning too. I used globs of fabric paint to create the heart. Which by the way takes forever and a couple of days to fully dry. I saved some of my monitoring "stickies" from my heart procedure from hell. They probably cost me about $15 a pop or something absurb like that (and I lost count after about 20 of them) so I might as well recycle them as art : / I connected the stickies with thin wire. And the stitches seemed appropriate because I often fill kinda patched together : )

tooth down! I repeat... tooth down!

(photo sent via email from the grandfolks)

Evan lost another tooth. It happened today during his stay with the grandparents. Arrangements had to be made. My mom had to quietly inquire what the going rate is for a lost tooth and if the tooth stays with Evan or goes with the tooth fairy. [answers: $2 and goes with tooth fairy] Then Evan instructed me on how the tooth fairy situation needs to be handled. I have been charged with the task of leaving the tooth fairy a note explaining where Evan is and nicely asking her to visit there. If the tooth fairy is unable to travel to The Lake tonight, then the tooth fairy will leave a note saying she will return when Evan returns home and the transaction can then be completed.

I am glad he gets to have a tooth fairy experience with the grandfolks : )

random wonderful

found art goodies from Kate

old buttons... how I love you so! Luckily my friend Kate found these gems and knew I would give them a good home.

Kate also rescued these fun ABC cards and a cool, yet mysterious peg board that beckons to find a usefullness with artistic flair. Thanks for my treasures!
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potholders: a right of passage
My mom teaching Evan how to make his very first woven potholder.
(There is no telling how many of those suckers I made as a kid.)

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54 inches of Evan = go-karting dreams fullfilled
In the summer of '08 we took Evan to a local go-kart track to ride a go-kart by himself for the first time. He had afterall reached 48 inches and was know eligible to drive solo... or so we thought. We learned that only a couple weeks earlier the state requirements had changed from 48 to 54 inches. Evan was crushed! So for the past 2 years we have measured and waited. Finally on June 19th, his moment arrived!

(We are sure to get plenty of track time in this summer.)

Happy Mail

'cuz it never hurts repeating... I [heart] happy mail!

Yesterday I found happy mail in my mailbox. It was from my (ubber talented) California Linda. We just completed our latest 5 for 5 ATC swap. The theme this time was fabric.

*check out Linda's blog for more pics of her cards and plenty more artsy inspiration*

Linda's cards for the fabric swap

She also included other happy stuff too. She spoils me : )

***

my cards for the fabric swap

got soccer fever?

We do.

We will be glued to the TV tomorrow for Team USA vs. Team Ghana.

Knockout Round - game #1

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2010 FIFA World Cup South Africa

Love must be blue (life lessons learned)

Evan and I took a late evening dip in the pool. We were both winding down from the day. I started a conversation with Evan that has clogged my mind for several months. I began as I so often do with "Hey, Evan... can we talk about something." To his credit he didn't groan or complain even though I knew he knew that "A Talk" was coming.

*some names have been changed to protect the innocent (and not-so-innocent too)

I told him that I didn't know if Ms. Ester* and I were going to be friends any more. I explained the things that have happened that led me to this conclusion. I said I don't know if I did something that hurt Ester's feeling or if she just didn't want to be friends. I stated that she hasn't returned any calls or emails in months. (No need to rub it in that none of Evan's phone messages for Mitchell* have been returned either.) Evan responded, "That's not fair. How can you fix it if she won't tell you what's wrong?" Oh boy, isn't that the million dollar question. And just as I swelled up with pride for having this insightful soul in my life I saw through his big blueberry eyes that he was putting the rest of the pieces together (our eyes are far ahead of our tongues)... what about his friendship with Mitchell? His lips quivering, one tucking slightly under the other (a rare remnant from his babyhood) and tears filling his eyes... part of his little world unraveling. I forced back tears and I swallowed plenty of anger. 'Cuz let me be clear... in that moment of seeing my child hurt like that, I envisioned myself ripping Ester's face off or at the very, very least throwing a huge heap of flaming dog poo on her porch. Trying to set my momma bear instincts aside, we talked a while more about what may or may not happen with Evan's friendship. He also asked me to tell him stories about him and Mitchell from when they were younger. (He loves for me to tell him how they have been friends since Evan was 18 months old and Mitchell just over 2 years old - obviously having no memories of his own at that time.)

.

I can't help but feel as if I have failed Evan in some way. Because adult stuff got in the way of his closest and longest friendship. And at the ending of this story not once did Evan even hint at anger toward me. He was sad for me because Ms. Ester didn't call me on my birthday or come see how I was after my two surgeries. Evan said he still wanted to get Mitchell "a really big, really cool birthday present even if they don't invite us to his birthday party". If every color is a story than love must be blue, because that is what I saw in my child's eyes as he said he would be okay because he has lots of friends, but he is sorry that I lost one of mine.

Pride seeped out of me.

food for thought

What is slow food?

exploring the West

or at least an area on the West side of town known as The Park at the West End.

I felt like getting out and about this morning. And since I am not only allowed but encouraged to walk (on flat surfaces), I convinced Markas to let me go (which meant him driving me) to the (nice and flat) Farmers Market which is located directly across the street from The West End. The park rides, arcade and doubledecker bus concession weren't open yet, but we did have a really nice lunch at the Nickel & Dime Diner which is a converted train car.

(click image to enlarge)

As a bonus, I visited a charming downtown yarn shop which is a short, mostly flat walk from the West End.

Although the morning excursion wore me out, it was nice to leave my house and be in the world again.

back to reality

My spinal cord was exposed. Someone touched my spine. Someone removed parts of my spinal column. I can't help but in be in awe of this. I wasn't awake when it all went down (thank goodness). But knowing that it happened is trippy. The surgery went well. My recovery is going better than I had expected. And I have one hell of a story to add to my list of medical adventures. I am already formulating my response to the age old question...

"so what did you do this summer?"

"Well, I had my heart stopped 4 times... yes, on purpose. Oh, and I had a part of my spine removed. And you?"

Man, I am so freakin' cool! ; )

I have reached that point in any surgerical recovery process where I am tired of being a slug, tired of being in discomfort, tired of riding the waves of heavy pain medication symptoms... just tired of it all. To put it mildy I am cranky. And yes I am seasoned enough in the ways of healing to know that cranky can be a good sign. I will try to embrace my crankiness and just be thankful that the surgery is over, that I am healing and I can soon get back to the reality of a "normal" life.

signing off

the day has arrived.

back surgery tomorrow.

will be out of commission for a little while.

wish me luck.

see everyone on the flipside.

this n that

life can be art

'Coming Undone' - 1 of 5 fabric ATCs I made for my latest swap with California Linda.

I made this one shortly after the news that I would need back surgery. A last minute decision to add the silver heart charm later seemed slightly prophetic with the onset of my heart-related events.

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have your cake and eat it too

Evan has recently become excited about baking and decorating cakes (and eating them is a big bonus too!). We were aiming for a double layer cake this afternoon, but one of the layers met a tragic demise. Evan wasn't ready to give up the second layer and he decided we could piece the top layer back together (for the most part). I was proud of him for taking a negative and making it a positive. The end result was an ugly duckling cake turned "island cake" complete with water and lots of trees. He thought it was the best cake creation ever "except for some wedding cakes".

fun socks make it just a little bit better

If you have to spend time in the hospital, I highly recommend wearing fun socks. Socks are about the only item of clothing you will get to keep on so they might as well be fabulous.

photo credit: Markas Jackson (he likes to get credit for his photo submissions)

birthday girl

My mom emailed me this picture from my 1st birthday.

All I can say is... I've come a long way ; )

Still have a big thing for cake though ; )

"take one of these and call me in 6 weeks or sooner if you wind up back in the ER before then" [warning medical related rant]

There are situations in life when I could believe that a person only needs two tools: WD-40 to make things go and duct tape to make them stop. Neither of which apply to my blood pumping gizmo situation.

On Friday I experienced a procedure that I can only describe as mild torture performed in the name of medical treatment. One is expected to say that they wouldn't wish that kind of experience upon anyone. However if I were completely honest with myself I would admit there are a number of people on my sh*t list that I would love to torture in just such a way.(You know who you are.) But I digress...

I spent three+ hours in the operating room with only a smidgen of lidocaine for the incision feeling like I was hooked up for surround sound with buttons and superglue-laden patches everywhere except my ass (practically). The assumed experts controlled my heart like a reckless, hormonally brain damaged 16 year old boy joy riding in his dad's muscle car with law enforcement in hot pursuit. (Crazy I tell you!) And just when I thought there were no brakes on this runaway car, they would slam them to the floor board without warning... stopping my heart 3 times in less than 30 minutes.

Finally they put my heart in park (guess they finally found the duct tape or ran out of WD-40) and told me the news.

Let me add here that I would never want to go through that procedure again unless I was guaranteed it would once and for all fix my heart. Of course in the world of medicine there are no guarantees. Even though the cardiac surgeon was 90% certain that he could stop my heart's electrical system from going haywire with this fairly straightforward procedure, once he got inside for a good look-see he decided that my heart symptoms were too risky for the "fix it" treatment.

I was broken and not just my heart. If I was going to have to go through that experience I by-golly felt that I deserved to be fixed... to mark that concern off my list. Instead I am destined to be on heart medications indefinitely and keep my fingers crossed that they work or at least don't cause even more heart problems. I haven't brought myself to start taking 'the big one' (or TBO for short) yet. It is sitting on top of my fridge... waiting. I am having a difficult time making myself go there. I am not ready to go through yet another round of the latest medication, the latest horrible list of possible side effects (which let's face historical precident, I will be good for at least a few of those dubious side effects), the latest... any of it! I keep telling myself tomorrow, tomorrow- tomorrow I will start that stuff. So since today is my birthday and who wants to start new meds on their birthday, I will plan to start them tomorrow... night.

For the record, this sucks big time by the way.